Best Place To Buy Steaks In Answers and News

Best Place To Buy Steaks In Questions and Answers

Fat Loss Meal Plans Do You Really Need Them?

Are Meal Plans Really What You Need? That's the purpose of this article I have for you it's from my buddy Nick Nilsson of Metabolism... more

Surprise your guests with unique menu options during summer grilling season

July is National Grilling Month, and what better way to celebrate than to invite friends and family over for a low-key backyard barbecue this summer. Grilling makes food preparation easy and clean-up ... more

BBQ Tips: How to host the perfect BBQ from Giftlab.co.uk

Here in the UK the sun pops out from behind a cloud for five minutes and everyone's changing into their shorts and t-shirts (while the Prof just takes all his clothes off so he's naked under his l... more

Cheap Valentines Day Gifts

These days everyone is looking for everything cheap. Right now, with Valentines Day quickly approaching, we need cheap Valentines Day gifts! This article is not going to tell you how to dumpster div... more

How to make her Valentine's Day Sizzle

What better time than Valentines Day to tell your woman how much you love her? Should you wine and dine her? Absolutely! However, if you really want to impress her and secure your place forever in... more

The World Best Charcoal Grill

So you've just enthused into your new Chicago condo and have a great veranda, veranda or veranda just waiting to be worn. While your edifice permits it, the summer tradition of barbecuing may be high ... more

How You Can Make Healthy Dinners At Home - FAST

You want to eat healthy, you need your energy, and you dont want to be getting sick - but theres no time!

Here's how I make healthy dinners in a flash-

Wash and poke holes ... more

Learning About Internet Home Businesses

For those who have a dream that we can stay at home and do next to nothing letting the internet do all the work then "I have a website I will sell you." Many ads on the internet offer you a su... more

E-mail Marketing & Reputation in a 2.0 World

E-mail Marketing & Reputation in a 2.0 World By Bradly Montague President & CEO NOMAMONT, Inc. E-mail has become both the most effective marketing medium to emerge since the introduction of te... more

Living Large When Your Pocketbook Isn't

Tumbling stocks and a world economic crisis - not exactly the words a person wants to hear. These words don't exactly drum up feelings of living large - on the contrary they often spark the panicked '... more

Best Place To Buy Steaks In Questions and Answers

Open Question: Question about becoming a vegetarian!?

What is tofu,legumes? Are BAKED fries, cooked in meat? I read on here that french fires from fast food places they cook them in meat fat or something. And I have always been picky about my meat, first of all it has to be like burnt if I eat steak. Once this girl told me [she was a vegetarian] a whole bunch of crap [she was saying that they put a mouse, in raw hand burger so when you buy it, it has mice in it] so after that I didn't eat hand burger meat for almost a yr. And people who know me, I EXTREMELY check out my meat before I even THINK about putting it in my mouth. I've been thinking about becoming a vegetarian because I've been reading that it is really great for your health, and also instead of ordering something that has meat in it and then only eating about a bite out of it because I am picky and it looked gross to me, I'd not order meat at all. I have a friend who is a vegetarian but she eats turkey and chicken [I think one the chicken not for sure though] and I've heard that you can't be a SEMI-vegetarian. But I've also read that you can have your own beliefs of being a vegetarian.......So if I cut out meat COMPLETELY then I'd be a vegetarian [to some people, others they say you can have your beliefs of whatnot]. Plus I do know that cow meat is not healthy for you and for some reason I can not miss cow meat at all but I will miss my grilled chicken. Not sure why I'm like this but I am, anyway. Would be be ok if I cut out all meat except grilled chicken? I know becoming a vegetarian would be healthy for me, and I wouldn't miss the meat at all until it comes to the chicken I like chicken... Could you give me tips on this/trying to become a vegetarian? And also if you're a teenage girl, I'd really love it, if you'd email me and we could start IMing so you could help me out on this. -Thanks! EDIT: I know it depends on how you do it, you can gain or lose weight. What way could I do, to lose weight? And what are some healthy goodies? I'd like to also not eat sweets, maybe ONLY on special events. Because for about two weeks, I did no sweets,no soda,no fried foods. I really want to be healthy! [I'm 14] My worse fear is becoming overweight/obese. Because my family is probably half of them are overweight. more

Resolved Question: Favortie place to get a burger?

I have a local burger joint, where they have their own farm and stuff and they make the best and thickest burgers I've ever tasted! They're only pretty cheap and is only $7.20 for a gigantic mug, that is shaped like a barrel, of homemade soda (yes homemade cola and root beer) and a lot of freshly fired potatoes chunks (like the Bob Evans potatoes). It's kind of like a stand, and they have outdoor seating. Their kids meal is half a hamburger, a smaller version of the barrel mug, and a smaller portion of the potatoes, and the chunks aren't as big. You can buy and actual barrel (a real one) of their soda, it tastes a lot better then Coke or Pepsi. Also, instead of a plate to serve it on, it's served on butcher paper. Also, they sell barbecue sauce, that can taste great with steak, while being able to master chicken! more

Resolved Question: Where can I buy horse meat in the United States?

I was recently in the south of france and went into this Beautiful restaurant near Nice. They had the best horse steaks you could possibly imagine with a twist of fresh lemon on the side. Anyway I was wondering if there was a place in the States that sells the meat all ready prepared. I hate to think I actually have to go and buy a horse and slaughter it myself. If so could someone recommend a good breed something not to fatty would be great. Thank you in advance for your help and I pray everyone has a blessed day. But on the other hand people do have pet cows too. So whats the difference? I would of course keep the animal and not give it any shots or medications for at least three months before atempting to conume the meat that would just be stupid to eat something that could make you sick thanks for the advice anyway though it is really tasty though and I would of course wait for the meat to be rid of any poisons or medications I wish to thank you for your concern about my health once again but I asure you that it will be allright. Do you think I need to wait more than three months or is this a proper amount of time for detox? more

Resolved Question: What the heck is wrong with the world?

I was at Walmart the other day. I hate shopping there to start with but it was the fastest place to get my Rx filled. I got to the self check out line. And there is these 2 woman in their late 20's. They were both COVERED in tattoos and piercing. They were taken forever in line. So I looked at what they were buying. Steaks, shrimp, a ton of can goods, a ton of things from the deli. Then they break out their ACCESS card. That set me off and I shouldn't have but I started running my mouth. Bit*hing about how I work 2 jobs about 55 hours a week. And how they don't have money for food but have money for tattoos and piercing. (I have them myself so I know the price of them) They one turned around and told me to shut up that she deserves that money because she has 5 kids. And doesn't get child support. I showed her my Rx which was birth control and told her it works wonderful if your not stupid!! I understand accidents happen but really 5 times all to losers that don't pay child support! They one lady of course the bigger one, was screaming at me, 2 inches from my face. (she smelt like smoke so she was also a smoker on our money) We almost got in a punching fight till her friend told her just to leave. When they left I started checking out. And 3 of the other people in line told me I was right. The one laughing saying she had my back of that girl would have touched me. If I was so right why isn't any one doing anything about welfare reform? Aww cry about it....everyones life sux and its hard. Why are they getting free money? Chill out...you must be on welfare too! Mad some one said something about it. I'm pretty sure if that woman is healthy enough to have sex and pop out 5 kids, and kill herself with free cigarets she can get a job. Even part time. Oh wait even part time she would lose her money.... more

Resolved Question: 1yr old dog wont eat, vomits yellow fluid, what to do?

My 1 yr old dog is vomiting yellow fluid & will not eat. From what I read online it could be a number of things. The yellow fluid, i found out, is bile from the stomach. When a dog vomits yellow bile, it's basicically written off as having bad gastral issues and an overactive stomach acid. Dogs usually vomit first thing in the morning or right after meals or after a long vigorous walk/exercise. So since he's been vomiting, we've shortend his walk to just 1 block.. Now he doesnt seem to want to walk anywhere, or eat anything. He just sits curled in a ball, moving from couch, to floor, to couch every few hours..and only moving to the back door once he needs to urinate. Since he's at such a young age of 1 yrs old, he's usually getting himself into trouble by grabbing items off tables so we can chase him.. loves his walks & running & meeting ppl.. and he usually sits by you when you're eating (hoping you'll throw him a scrap or two).. But for the past 4 days he's been moping around, not intrested in food, not intrested in walks, but at least he's drinking water.. So here's a basic day to day lately: 1. Friday morning he puked up yellow bile for the first time around 6 or 7am. he went on a walk and was eager to have his breakfast.. but he vomited that up. We went online and thought his symptoms matched up to gastric reflux and we were directed to give him 2 tablespoons of Pepto Dismal (he's a 55lbs Pitbull) twice a day before mealsand to take him off of his regular dry dog food. We were instrucet to give him a bland diet of boiled rice and/or boiled skinless chicken breast or boiled ground beef. We the ground beef the first day and he seemed okay.. but then he vomited maybe twice more that evening (no beef in vomit). But we noticed a lot of things that werent food in the bile such as sunflower seed shells, bits of plastic/rubber from his toy, hair, some unidentifiable tiny pieces. He pooped a small amount of soft stool (smaller than usual).. 2. Second day he wasnt even thinking about eating. but we gave him Pepto and he was okay.. about an hour or so later we fed him boiled chicken and he gobbled it right up.. he was still a bit inactive adn tired looking so we let him rest. Later on that evening we tried to give him more boiled chicken but he didnt want.. so i tried to hand feed him despite him turning away from me, and he vomited right there. it seemed the smell of the chicken, or the thought of eating make him sickly.. :( 3. Third day, no eating whatsoever.. moping around still, we gave him pepto and a few moments later he vomited a tiny bit of pepto, but no bile.. we also bought NutriCal meal supplement for him so he could gain appatite, but it didnt work. But at least he had the nutrients because he began to look very gaunt and sickly.. the third day was his birthday, he could not eat his birthday steak :( 4. Fourth day no eating, but he has been drinking lots of water and keeping Pepto & NutriCal down.. He's looking much healthier i think & has actually shown signs of activity (tail wagging, sniffing around) but only for a few moments, then back to moping & napping.. I also noticed he's been doing alot of standing in one place and staring for about 1-2 minutes before moving to the next spot to nap. He just seems drained of all energy and unintrested in eating still.. I read today that it could be a Lymphoma, but none of his glands are swollen, also he's a young dog, so this is ruled out almost immediatly.. He did poop a good amount. It was a typical soft stool. There are never any foreign objects in his stool. He's had his shots so we've ruled out Parvo virus and worms.. 5. No vomiting today. He's had NutriCal & a little Pepto in the morning.. lots of napping, some staring.. he's a bit more alert which is good, but still not intrested in eating. We will try to blend a concoction of boiled chicken & NutriCal to force feed him today because he really needs some food in his system.. Could he not be eating because he's afraid? Since this is his first time being sick I figure he's afraid of eating because he doesnt want to vomit...or could it be because he has intestinal blockage and nothing is passing through? Please help if you can! We really dont have the $200 for a vet visit and multiple tests.. i would like to solve this problem at home, if we can.. Thanks for your time! more

Voting Question: I think I am ordering out too much food at night. Please help?

I just turned 22 on June 2. I would really appreciate someone’s help with this problem I have. I am still living with my parents. However, I am self-employed and run an online business, which is source of income. I started my business during my mid-high school years. Anyways, here’s my problem. For the past 3 years or so, I am ALWAYS ordering out food at the end of the night. I order from a place that is a restaurant and pizzeria. I could get anything from pasta, salads, pizza, wings, steak, subs, etc. Anyways, every night for the past 3 years I will order from them at around 9 or 10 o clock at night. I spend anywhere’s from $12 to $16 a night ordering out food for delivery. I cannot seem to break this habit. I spend over $5000 a year ordering out food. I know that could be crazy. My mom makes food and stuff for the whole family. I mean, I might eat something that my mom makes but I eat only very little so I can save a big appetite for the end of the night for when I have to order out. I’m not fat or anything. In fact, I can eat & eat and won’t gain a lot of weight. I’m only like 150-155 pounds. Anyways……… is there anything I can do to try to stop ordering out so much? Like tonight for instance, I ordered from Pizza Hut, I ordered a large stuff crust pizza with pepperoni and sausage, breadsticks and a 2 liter and spent $27. Last night I spent $24 and bought a New York Strip Steak from that restaurant place I mentioned earlier, with a side of sautéed vegetables, and a side salad. I mean, in 2 days I spent over $50 ordering out This question is not a joke, I’m being serious, I have proof that I order this much. I want to stop ordering out so much and try eating food from home, one to save a little money, and B because I know it’s healthier to eat food from home or the grocery store. I also order anywhere from 2 to 3 bottles of pepsi a day (20 oz). I don't know if that's too much pepsi to be drinking. Is there any way I can try to get myself to eat more from home then keeping ordering out from the same places at night and spending a fortune? more

Voting Question: Is he thrifty or a tightwad?

My boyfriend always talks about how me he paid for dinner. If he picks up the the bill, he would comment on how much it was. If he wants me to pay, he would pick steak and lobsters and have 2-3 microbrew beers. I can usually tell if I am paying when he picks the most expensive item. When he knows he'll pay, he will get fish and chips and expect me to pick up his hint. It takes the fun out of going out and enjoying the food when he does that. I was brought up differently and I can't eat my money bills. I have made a comment about how I feel about that and he has not changed. I pick up every third bill which is always the most expensive one, sometimes equivalent to the two previous bills he paid. I don't say anything, I do not mind paying as long as I enjoy the food that I am eating. It has gotten so bad lately, that I do not want to ever go out with him again. It's not a privilege nor a favor for him to go out with me. I am able to do that by myself. I drive from work to his place about 35 miles to spend some time with him and I do not appreciate picking up the bill after I made all that effort. I can easily have a decent meal by myself or with friends, somewhere closer to where I work or live. He makes it hard for me to swallow the food that he paid for. His family came for a vacation and I paid for most of the meals and entrance fees. All he did was complain he spent $200 on groceries. He hid most of the food he bought and would growl when someone would open a bag of chips or reach for a cookie. He was forcing his sister to eat the whole bag of popcorn or pack it and bring it on the plane with her. He expects me to fold his clothes after paying for my $15 meal. I am used to maids and you can't even pay a maid that much to do your laundry. He makes 3x more that I make. Should I ditch him for good? more

Resolved Question: How can I cook these thin cut steaks?

We are in the process of moving and I do not have my grill at the new place yet. I have bought some thin cut steak - they look quite nice - but only have a large skillet to cook them in. I, of course, also have an oven. I do not have all of my seasonings here either. I only have salt, pepper, garlic powder, and greek seasoning. Any suggestions on how to cook the steaks would be greatly appreciated!! Thanks. more

Resolved Question: What is my mom's problem? Now what's my problem?

I moved out of my mom's house in the suburbs over a year ago to live with my dad in a big city. I am 17 right now. I always had problems with my mom since I can remember. They got divorced when I was 5 or 6. My mom has and still lives pretty much off child support. My two brothers don't have college funds. It felt like she was always forcing me to be an adult even when I was really young. When I was around 10 or 11, this 20 something year old guy stole all my gameboy games from a friends house to pawn for drug money and my mom yelled at me and told me to get them back from this guy who was a jerkoff that I didn't really know. She never disciplined my 2 younger brothers and they always ran around screaming and yelling out of control at home and in public. She would yell and hit me because they were misbehaving. Then I started to hit and discipline them and my mom would attack me for that. One time my brother was pissed because I hit him for misbehaving, so he threw a steak knife in the direction of my face. I hit him a lot after it missed. Then my mom came home and screamed at me and then went to her room. I was still only like 10-12 when this was happening. Then when I was 12-16, she would always scream at me for not doing work around the house that I wasn't even told I was supposed to do. When I was in high school, my friend was supposed to pay her 5 dollars a week for carpooling. He didn't pay one week because I was sick for the first two days. The rest of that week my mom hit me when I was sleeping and pored water on my head. She bought an addition once and she paid the guys in advance and they did like a quarter of it and ran away. I confronted her about this peacefully because I was pissed I had to fix like 7 floods in the addition's crawlspace every spring when the snow melted. She bitched me out every time. I smoked pot a few times in 8th-9th grade and she sent me to this place where I had to sit all day and talk about my feelings and talk to kids who slit their wrists and commit violent acts. That last part is ironic, because now I get aggravated with women very easily. When my stepmom talks to me, I want to gouge her eyes out (not literally, but that's how angry I am), and I hold all that anger inside me. I'm thinking I might be a wife-beater when I'm older because of all this. Women seriously make me pissed off for a lot of things they do or say. I know women just think differently than men. But I can't control the rage inside me. Sorry for the essay. If you read all this, thank you. All of these answers were very helpful, except for sara5. I have no idea what you are talking about. I'm going to talk to my dad about seeing a therapist soon. Thanks. more

Resolved Question: What is the best place to eat in Los Angeles?

I am stopping in LA for one night (before I head to New Zealand/Australia for 10 days) and I want to know the best meal that money can buy. Money is no object. I am leaning towards either Steak or Sushi, but Seafood would also work. Please no Italian or Mexican. more

Voting Question: Boyfriend and poor money managment?

My boyfriend is 28 years old...I'm 26 years old. He lives at home with his parents...I have my own place. We both have college degrees. I have a good job and make enough money to support myself...so that is not the issue. He had a good job making very good money for the past five years...and has always lived with his parents with no bills but has NO MONEY SAVED. He spends his entire paycheck every week on eating out and drinking. He treats himself too good, eating steaks all the time, and he does drink too much. Just recently, he got laid off from his job due to the economy. He is collecting unemployment. Then the other night he mentions to me that he wants to withdraw money from his 401 K and take the penalty so that he has money to go on vacation this summer. I told him that was not a good idea...and that he has NO bills, the money hes getting from unemployment should be fine. It turned into an argument. Then he starts talking about how he wants to take money out of his 401 K to buy me an engagement ring too.... I'm torn because I really love him so much and he's a great guy he treats me great....but he seriously has a spending problem. He doesn't do it to be a dick, so I can't really be mad at him for it. He admitted that he has a spending problem and he said that he won't take the money out of the 401 K...and he said that he understands that I would be concerned but that hes going to work on his money management.. What would you suggest in my situation? I don't want to be a nag and I didn't sign up to be somebody's mother so I'm not going to take care of his finances for him or argue with him about the way he spends his money....but I do want to see some improvement... Sometimes I'll mention things like when we're driving around I'll point out a really nice house and mention I'd like to have a house like that someday....just to get him hopefully thinking about saving. What else can I do? more

Resolved Question: What to do about boyfriend with money management issues...?

Resolved Question: Ideas for cooking rump steaks?

I'm cooking steak for me and my girlfriend tonight. Just bought two rump steaks (no idea what size or weight, I wasn't asked at the butchers). I've got mushrooms, potatoes, veg, probably some herbs lying about etc. I'm looking for some ideas on recipes - I've never cooked steak before, so is this part right; Keep in the fridge until about one hour before cooking, then let it get to room temp. Heat up a frying pan and place the steak in the centre of pan. Cook for about 4 minutes each side for med-well done? Thanks in advance, I love steak! more

Voting Question: girlfriend and money issues?

i have been in a relationship for about 4 months with a girl i like a lot. since the beginning, ive known her to be a spender, especially when it comes to shoes and thrift stores. when we went out for valentines day it was one thing for me to pay for the day as well as the first few times we went out. but recently it seems like im picking up everything. id think that since we are both in college we could come to sharing our costs when we go out. but it always seems like she doesnt have enough money in her checking account or she cant use her credit card because if she uses it any more this billing period, she wont have enough money to pay the bill. it was recently my birthday a couple weeks ago so she wanted to take me out to a concert of one of my favorite bands. she bought the tickets which were $12.50 each, and claimed she wanted to pay for dinner too. but when we go to the restaurant, suprise! not enough money. im stuck with the bill. not to mention the subway fare for both of us all around the city. then this past week we're out at an italian place, and who doesnt have enough money for her portion of the bill, i covered it. then this weekend, we went to a play, because she said she wanted to take me to see this great musical. tix are $25 each. she only has $40 in her account, so naturally because its easier to do 1 transaction, i use my debit and pay the combined $50. we're early for the show so we walk around a park across the street where there s a big walk for hunger going on. we decide to get lunch at one of the fair vendors. she had given me the $40 she had withdrawn earlier in the day but then took $20 to buy the lunch, ok. Then, we're walking around the town in some stores, shoes and hat stores, "oh so cheap, do you have any money?" i pretend that i have no more cash because im tired of lending her money and im trying to teach her that it is not necessary to buy everything in sight, for example a hat i saw and liked for myself that was $40 in the store, i could afford it, but i dont need it right now, i plan to look for a better deal online or maybe go back later in the future to the same store. then, a couple days ago, her and A friend (she told me only 1 friend, i later found out there were 4 in the car) wanted to go to a 12:00 midnight showing of rock horror picture show at a theater about 30 mins away from our college. i have a car and the local mass transit system does not run past 11;30pm so theyd have no way of getting back later, naturally i let her borrow the car so they could get there and back and lent my portable GPS. the trip is about 20 miles each way + tolls. She has not paid me for the gas used (which she could have easily collected a couple bucks from each of her friends since if it wasnt for me they wouldnt have been able to go). she keeps calling these things loans. i have a part-time job on the campus, i make between $50-$100 in a week when i work if i am not too busy with papers or studying, she does not have any sort of job. i labored for the past 4 months sending cover letters and resumes, following up, and interviewig to end up with 2 competitive internships in nyc which both are unpaid/for school credit only. she had not been very proactive in summer job search so i offered to hook her up with my old summer camp job and she more or less scoffed at the idea of being a camp counselor. now her dad, an art and set design director for hollywood is attempting to set her up with a Personal Assistant gig on the set of some tv show he is working on which would reportedly pay her $500 a week. She keeps saying once she makes some money she is going to treat me to a nice steak dinner at a restaurant we both like but have never been to together. is there some other issue i have that goes beyond the money things? more

Resolved Question: Would you read this, guys?

Its a return request of a part of my novel one of my contacts told me she wanted to read. It's actually the first part of my novel - sorry I'm giving away the book so sporadically! Give me some feedback (And I know not many people won't read this because u don't want to flex your brains, you're a little lazy, you don't feel like it - whatever. Whoever DOES read this, thank you). He woke up and looked down at his waist and made his blood run away from his crotch and wiped the corner of his hand and turned over on his side so he could fall back asleep. In his head he thought: Day fourteen hundred and sixty. He cried himself softly back asleep but not before he pulled the blanket over his head so no one - not even himself - could see him weep. * Her baby son woke her up whilst he jumped on her bed and fell against her shins. He took hold of the blanket before he slipped off and pulled his soft and tender frame to a safe place. He saw his mother's eyes open into roan colored portals into his glee. She was his mother, and he knew her very well. He smiled and crawled up to her face and kissed the front of her cheek next to her lips leaving the residual of dried milk and pineapple juice and dry cereal crusts right under her eye, the eye which he loved and trusted so very much. He told her, hello mama, and she to him. She took hold of his waist and took him to her bosom and felt his young and vibrant warmth and electricity while his small stomach moved silently but so loud in her heart as it was alive. So alive. He put his ear to her protruding belly like his father had done so many times. The child spread his thin pink lips and smiled. His small feet curled up to his belly and he put his thumb in his mouth, and looked at her again before his eyes trailed off to the corner towards the nightstand where her gray blouse stained with something red on the ruche lay atop her husbands necktie. The man stepped out the bathroom with his toothbrush sticking out between his lips and foam built up around his mouth and waved at her. She smiled at him and blew a kiss. He went back in the bathroom. She lost her smile. * He sleepwalks. He once found himself in the kitchen sprawled on the linoleum with a steak knife in his left hand and cuts on his right wrist. He never told anyone about this - even forgot it himself. When he opened his eyes now, they felt raw and red. He shaved. Ate breakfast. Skipped the coffee. Put on a suit and black tie and the shoes he bought in Peru twelve years ago. Went in the bathroom and plucked out the last blonde hair he had. Stuffed it inside his breast pocket. He planned to dump it out of his car window on the way to the campus and let it blow into the woods where it would find a home atop a dying oak leaf and finally the wind would blow it into the coppice. The tan leather portmanteau lay on the couch sinking between the cushions. Tucked inside was his lesson. The students would not like it at all. They would say it was tedious because they were new. He took the bag and slung the strap over his shoulder. The arthritis stung his bones and he bit his thin lip. Grabbed his keys. Started the car. Got on the beltway thinking about his last young hair and the distracting check engine light blinking a fiery titian on his dash. * The gun always lays beside his alarm clock. Once when the alarm sounded, he lifted his hand up to smack the clamor away and slapped the gun off the dresser and the pistol went off, shooting a four inch hole in the wall. He kept the gun under his bed whilst he slept for the next seven months. His daughter thanked him for that. His badge always lay adjacent to his gun, the golden shield engraved with an old insignia meaningless to everyone but those who wore the miniature shield. It could make a man a giant amongst men. He was an apron. He heard his daughter downstairs taking her keys from the hook nailed in the wall by the front door, and left the house. He said a short prayer. For her. Took a shower and wore the same clothes he wore yesterday. No one would notice. He never eats breakfast. Didn't start the routine this morning. Unplugged all outlets in his house, bar the living room light where the budgerigar sleeps in her cage. Walked to the front door and said a short prayer. For him. * The whore left him an hour after he fell asleep and three hours before he opened his eyes. His wallet was shy an extra twenty dollars when he checked it. He was neither surprised nor offended. Her snatch was dry anyway and it stank and she was a nigger. Old woman in spirit, young in body. He stepped out of the hotel bed and felt the prickly carpet floor and walked to the bathroom on the balls of his feet. Looked in the mirror. Stubble on his face. He shaved it off and splashed aftershave on his naked cheeks, not acknowledging the sting. Took the bottle of liquor from the refrigerator and swallowed it all before he knew he did. Dry retche God it never lets me post the whole thing. I'll try again. retched, coughed, and spat. He turned on the TV and watched the news. A woman had been raped in her home and stabbed over sixty times until she died. There was evidence of forceful vaginal entry postmortem. He watched the news and thought back to a man named Richard Ramirez; sick fuck, bad parents, no training. People like that deserve to be murdered and then burned atop a stack of Bibles. He drank until he couldn't. Plugged his phone to the charger and figured he would fall asleep until four. Then he would call another whore, this one would be a white devil-woman. She would fuck him and the bitch was gon' pretend pleasure and he would come all ova her gums and the cord under her tongue that holds it to the bottom of her mouth. The next day ain't gon' be no diffurint. He wouldn't waunt it to be any different. It cain't eva be no diffurint. more

Resolved Question: Did he deliberately pull a fast one?

I've been dating this guy. We're in the courting phase (no sex). We were supposed to go out Saturday to dinner. He called and said he had a taste for a chicken pot pie from the boston market. Although their cpp's are good, I didn't want a pot pie or anything from Boston Market. I wanted a steak. I suggested he go get his pot pie and then call me when he's done, if it;s not too late, we could still get together. He said.......no, no, no....what do you want to eat. I said not pot pie. I want a steak. I suggested Claim Jumpers because they have great steak AND chicken pot pie that they are famous for. He hadn't been there before so he said great let's go there. I said they have everything from Rib eye to pot pie. You'll definitely find something you like. Now, please keep in mind....this is always bragging about what he makes, how many houses he has, what he's going to buy for me etc... We get there and he agree's the rib eye looks GREAT! I showed him the pot pie on the menu and he then said...yea, I'm going to get the pot pie. He kept hovering over the price of the pot pie...........This was odd because I had never seen him do that before,....he's literally, scrolling the price with his finger over and over. With that behavior I felt uncomfortable ordering a $30 dinner to his $10 dinner so I started to look at other items.......the chicken, the salmon etc... He asked if I knew what I wanted, I said I will by the time the waiter comes. He said....I'm going to get the pot pie (which is what he had a taste for originally- remember, I wanted steak, he wanted pot pie). The waiter is there and he said do you know what you want, I said.... I will by the time it's my turn, go ahead and order. He made a big fuss and then sent the waiter away and said let's give her a few more minutes... busy place so waiter was gone in a flash. I said why did you do that you could have ordered, I'm ready too. He said do you know what you want, I said yes but I didn't say what it was. He calls the waiter back _ I said, go ahead and order, he says no you order. I said, I'll have the chicken (only because I felt uncomfortable about him rolling over that price so I could see it the way he did), he looks at me and then says........I'll have the rib eye. I know I could have said, I changed my mind, I will too but it's the point and how he did it. Me and several guys I mentioned this to said he did that on purpose to deliberately lead me to lower priced items.......what do you think???????????????? I already realize I played myself- I'm worth it and I shouldn't have compromised myself or my taste buds to make it easier for someone trying to date me but I want to know if you think he did that deliberately like some of the other fellas do. No mean comments, just give your opinion. BTW- not digging for gold here, got my own! Thanks for your responses. more

Resolved Question: Men - PLEASE HELP! Did he deliberately pull a fast one?

Resolved Question: what do you think about this meal?

im planning to make a special dinner for my girlfriend tonight and im not much of a cook just average. So i bought some steaks (filet mignon) and i was wondering if you guys have any comment with what ima about to do please feel free to give me tips or ideas thank you! here it is put butter in the skillet and grill garlic onions red bell pepers and add some worchestershire sauce then place the meat in the pan and add red wine to the pan with everything else and grill and stir for a while til cooked ( after i grill it i was thinking of baking it for a while and aadding cream cheese on top of the steaks but i dont know if thatll be a good combination only a suggestion) soo thats how im planning it please feel free to help me make it better if it isnt alrdy good or any sugestions would help thanks more

Resolved Question: Are there secrets to eastern cooking that us westerners just aren't allowed to know?

Look... we all know there's stuff they aren't telling us ;). You go to a Chinese food restaurant in New York and order an egg roll... it's going to taste 90% similar to one you order in Miami. If you go to a Hibachi in Seattle and order steak and shrimp, it's going to taste the same, and the guy/girl will probably do most of the same tricks as a place you go to in Dallas. And I've never tasted dishes that get as complex and deep as curry dishes, but little hole in the wall Indian places seem to taste just as good, if not better than some of the most expensive places I've been to. I bought a Wok, and now I want to cook. I am very confident in my skills as a cook. But as far as eastern cuisine is concerned, I've never been able to master anything more complicated than Fried Rice, My own stir fry creations, and Mu Shu... which is only because Hoisin (Mu Shu) sauce is sold at the grocery store! I even make my own mandarin pancakes for Mu Shu haha. Anyway, I want recipes, techniques, any secrets that you might have. A web site with a wide verity of eastern cuisine would be AWESOME! So far I have found none. I would LOVE to learn the secrets of hibachi flavor! I love the vegetables they use! I know the steak they use sometimes comes directly from farms overseas that raise their cattle so that every cut of meat in the entire animal has more marbling than PRIME in America! But I still want to learn how to get that flavor. I have a griddle, but I'm not sure if the cooking surface in this case is really the secret, Could I do hibachi in a wok? Anyway, thank you for any help you can offer! I'm well aware of how to cook meat. Velveting is something I do with meat when I stir fry, I have done research about some techniques, I'm still not much closer to the real flavor. Also, nobody can tell me why everyone tastes so similar. Even pizza doesn't taste that similar from place to place. MSG obviously does a lot for certain Chinese dishes, but I don't think that's the answer to my problem. Thumbs down for attitude more

Resolved Question: Would like to find a meat place?

Last summer my wife and i bought great steaks from a couple of guys driving around the neighrborhood from wilmington,nc. I'd like to find the name and phone number of the steakhouse where these guys came from. THe names is like Elemers or something close to it. We both a good bit of steaks and chicken for under $300 and they were excellent cuts of meat. Please help me find the store I live in Fayetteville NC. Last summer I bout some steaks from a couple of guys who were driving thru the neighborhood selling xtra's. It was the best I'd ever had to date. I know the meat company is out of willmington NC but I lost the business card and flyer they gave me. I think is was elmers or omega or something along those lines. Please help me with a name and phone number of this place if you know what I'm talking about. more

Resolved Question: Why am I sprung on a girl significantly younger than me and is there a way to get her?

I met this female online. She answered my personal ad. Seems to be a very adventurous girl. Skydiving, surfing, whatever you can think of that is fun. Our first meeting was at 05:20AM where we went to an even at the Marine Base in Hawaii... let me tell you, this girl is beautiful. I was shocked when I met her. Her pics did her no justice. Anyway... we go to the event, then I buy her breakfast at IHOP. Was a fantastic unofficial date. Encounter 1: A week later I ask her to come over to my place for a pot roast. We have it. Have some red wine... She is a somewhat facetious girl and I love that about her... and when I called her out on it she was like "Wha?? Angry sex?" (no mention of sex whatsoever on my part).. I feel that was a sign right there... I did nothing because it seemed soon and didn't want to scare her away. I met her parents that night for her dad's birthday. Enjoyed it. Had steak and fish and then went to an 80's party. We finished up there and she spent the night at my place. Encounter 2: Next morning we went skydiving and she was putting her head on my stomach... came into my area 3x... still... froze up a tad... at the skydiving place - putting her head on my shoulder. Very cute. Sky dived then went to a Mexican restaurant got her dinner. She made the comment "I'm an expensive date, eh? =P" I was like uhhhh ehhhh hmmmm? Thinking... are we dating? Took her home. Encounter 3: Texted her I was bored and she said "We should have that study date! You da best! etc. etc." She came over - made the food. We had some Sauvignon Blanc I gave her a scalp massage and it was pretty sensual... almost kissed her... She went home that evening... I was kicking myself in the ass for being dumb... got no call whatsoever the next day... Saturday.... until 8:45 - 9PM... Sorry I was busy with the books we should hang out and get smashed together ;-) Encounter 4: She comes over, we have a couple drinks. She no longer lets me near her.. acts somewhat distant... and I was confused... She spent the night, I made her breakfast in bed and she loved it. Next morning she wasn't attempting to cuddle or anything... wrote her an email asking what was up... "Don't be offended, I'm a prudish person always have been etc etc."..... Too early to know if I want to date you, but breakfast in bed was definitely a plus 1. I go out to the field... can't get in contact with her... trip out... come to find she is having painful conversation with her ex. where she is letting him emotionally abuse her over the phone (he lives in CT, we are in HI) and she is only tolerating it for her cat which he possesses but it is making her bawl. Saw her the following sunday with some friends as well as my friend from Cali... saw Watchmen... I felt awkward in the movie, so didn't cuddle her or anything because of last encounter... Then she is rubbing my head the whole drive back and I drop her at the dorms get multiple hugs and multiple kisses on the cheek and a text on the way back "Thank you for taking me out! You're da best :-)" Well... It's near impossible to get in touch... I blow up the phone.. call her cutie and stuff... she knows I like her, but said it's no bigie... she keeps blowing plans... and then gets all pissy and says we're JUST friends. Stop being mushy! GRRRR. And she won't answer me when I ask what her actions at the beginning meant... I was told she probably was attracted but lost interest because I wouldn't make a move.... SUCKS!!! I'm sprung on this girl and I don't know what to do to get her back. more

Resolved Question: Joke: The Affair....?

The 1st Affair A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home. 'Where have you been?' his wife demanded. 'I can't lie to you,' he replied, 'I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon.' She looked down at his shoes and said: 'You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!' The 2nd Affair A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one more time for the son they always wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife: 'There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?' The wife smiled sweetly and replied: 'No, not this time!' The 3rd Affair A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen! 'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity.' So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home. 'I have something to show you won't believe,' he said to his wife, opening his briefcase. 'My God!' the wife exclaimed, 'Schwartz is dead!' The 4th Affair A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. 'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.' She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder. 'Don't move until I tell you,' she said.. 'Pretend you're a statue.' 'What's this?' the husband inquired as he entered the room. 'Oh it's a statue,' she replied. 'The Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too.' No more was said, not even when they went to bed. Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer. 'Here,' he said to the statue, have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing.' The 5th Affair A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer. 'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent ..' 'One Cent?' the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked: 'How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?' 'A nickel,' the barman replied. 'A nickel?' exclaimed the man. 'Where's the guy who owns this place?' The bartender replied: 'Upstairs, with my wife.' The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs with your wife?' The bartender replied: 'The same thing I'm doing to his business down here.' The 6th Affair Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly: 'I have something I must confess.' 'There's no need to, 'his wife replied. 'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!' 'I know,' she replied. 'Now just rest and let the poison work.' more

Resolved Question: Guys and girls- I need relationship advice?

So for Vday my serious bf went all out and spoiled me. He got me roses, diamond earrings, and took me out to a really nice dinner. I of course wanted to do something for him so I bought lingerie.. and you get the drift.. but then shortly after he told me about the male version of Vday which is March 14th- steak and bj day. I looked it up and sure enough it is a real day but obviously not very well known. We kind of joked about it and I just forgot about it. Yesterday was March 14th and we had plans to hang out. I took him out for dinner and then we went back to his place and watched a movie. We were cuddling and he seemed upset so I asked him what was wrong.. he just sighs and tells me that he was kind of disappointed because he had high expectations for the day. I was confused and then he brought of up steak and bj day... I was really annoyed and hurt. The fact that he expected it really bothered me. It also bothered me that apparently me taking him out to dinner and just hanging out with me wasn't enough. Then I started to feel guilty.. like a good gf would have known to celebrate this "fake" holiday because he went all out on v-day. So i'm torn between being mad at him and feeling really bad. Any input?? Sorry it's so long. the things is.. he gets bjs.. quite often actually and he never has to ask for them. also, I hate Vday and I told him that I don't expect anything. I think both holidays are silly because couples can do nice things for each other any day of the year. more

Resolved Question: my 130,000 word novel?

I'm gonna add put the first few pages here... I've never done this before, so give me all the criticism you can muster. I'm 20 years old, and I finished this last December, a month after my birthday. The Accomplishment(What follows is the entire first chapter and an excerpt of the second chapter) By, Yusef M. Taylor He woke up and looked down at his waist. Made his blood run away from his crotch, wiped the corner of his hand, turned over on his side so he could fall back asleep. In his head, he thought: Day fourteen hundred and sixty. He cried himself softly back asleep but not before he pulled the blanket over his head so no one - not even himself - could see him weep. * Her baby son woke her up whilst he jumped on her bed and fell against her shins. He took hold of the blanket before he slipped off and pulled his soft and tender frame to a safe place. He saw his mother's eyes open into roan colored portals into his glee. She was his mother, and he knew her very well. He smiled and crawled up to her face and kissed the front of her cheek next to her lips leaving the residual of dried milk and pineapple juice and dry cereal crusts right under her eye which he loved and trusted so very much. He told her, hello mama, and she said hello to him. She took hold of his waist and took him to her bosom and felt his young and vibrant warmth and electricity while his small stomach moved silently but so loud in her heart as it was alive. So alive. He put his ear to her protruding belly like his father had done so many times. Smiled. His small feet curled up to his belly and he put his thumb in his mouth, and looked at her again before his eyes trailed off to the corner towards the nightstand where her gray blouse stained with something red on the ruche lay atop her husbands necktie. The man stepped out the bathroom with his toothbrush sticking out between his lips and waved at her. She smiled at him and blew a kiss. He went back in the bathroom. She lost her smile. * He sleepwalks. He once found himself in the kitchen sprawled on the linoleum with a steak knife in his left hand and cuts on his right wrist. He never told anyone about this - even forgot it himself. When he opened his eyes now, they felt raw and red. He shaved. Ate breakfast. Skipped the coffee. Put on a suit and black tie and the shoes he bought in Peru twelve years ago. Went in the bathroom and plucked out the last blond hair he had. Stuffed it inside his breast pocket. He planned to dump it out of his car window on the way to the campus and let it blow into the woods where it would find a home atop a dying oak leaf and finally the wind would blow it into the coppice. The tan leather portmanteau lay on the couch sinking between the cushions. Tucked inside was his lesson. The students would not like it at all. They would say it was tedious. He took the bag and slung the strap over his shoulder. The arthritis stung his bones and he bit his thin lip. Grabbed his keys. Started the car. Got on the beltway thinking about his last young hair and the distracting check engine light blinking a fiery titian on his dash. * The gun always lays beside his alarm clock. Once when the alarm sounded, he lifted his hand up to smack the clamor away and slapped the gun off the dresser and the pistol went off, shooting a four inch hole in the wall. He kept the gun under his bed whilst he slept for the next seven months. His daughter thanked him for that. His badge always lay adjacent to his gun, the golden shield engraved with an old insignia. Meaningless to everyone but those who wore the miniature shield. It could make a man a giant amongst men. He was an apron. He heard his daughter downstairs taking her keys from the hook nailed in the wall by the front door, and left the house. He said a short prayer. For her. Took a shower and wore the same clothes he wore yesterday. No one would notice. He never eats breakfast. Didn't start the routine this morning. Unplugged all outlets in his house bar the living room light where the budgerigar sleeps in her cage. Walked to the front door and said a short prayer. For him. * The whore left him an hour after he fell asleep and three hours before he opened his eyes. His wallet was shy an extra twenty dollars when he checked it. He was neither surprised nor offended. Her snatch was dry anyway and it stank and she was a nigger. Old woman in spirit, young in body. He stepped out of the hotel bed and felt the prickly carpet floor and decided to walk to the bathroom on the balls of his feet. Looked in the mirror. Stubble on his face. He shaved it off and splashed aftershave on his naked cheeks, not acknowledging the sting. Took the bottle of liquor from the refrigerator and swallowed it all before he knew he did. Dry retched, coughed, and spat. He turned on the TV and watched the news. A woman had been raped in her home and stabbed over six more

Resolved Question: Why doesn't Obama tell blacks, especially black males, to stop making excuses?

My mother is an elementary school teacher and a black male student just got suspended to the superintendent after laying hands on the principal. And btw, this boy is being raised by a single mother in the suburbs, on welfare, who has 8 other kids by different fathers. There was an incident at a local high school where a black male stabbed a black female in the back with a steak knife. Also most black women, nearly 96%, who are sexually assaulted are assaulted by black males. 94% of black males are murdered by other black males. Where is the outrage from the black leadership? Obama and other honest, hard working blacks, need to come out in the open and tell these black thugs and militants with the ghetto mindset that they are not being held back anymore and that opportunities are out there. Affirmative Action, minority schloarships, Brown vs the Board of Education, Obama's election, etc. Sorry but Obama and Bill Cosby were both right on the money when they mentioned all the black fathers missing from their kid's lives. How is this the white man's fault if a black man abandons his family? It isn't. They should take responsibility. They even mentioned this on Madea's Family Reunion. The ghetto mindset prevents kids in inner cities and many black males in the suburbs from learning no matter who the school teacher is, how updated the textbooks are, or how much money is put into the school. They simply don't value it. Some even call each other sellouts for taking their education seriously. Why can't politicians see this? I hear a lot of talk about the harm that whites did to blacks. But weren't there whites who also did good things for blacks such as freeing slaves on the underground railroad and in the Civil War? Yes. Weren't there whites who also marched against segragation? Yes. So to sum it up. Racism does still exist and causes problems. But honestly, this segment of the black population with the ghetto mindset and some of these so-called black leaders, who are nothing more than haters, need to be put in their place by honest hard-working blacks. They need to tell them to stop worrying so much about the white man and to take advantage of opportunities that their elders and ancestors did not have. Will Obama and other black leaders have the courage to address this issue? The Obamas both grew up poor and they never used race as reason they could not succeed. I wish more whites would stop buying so much gangsta rap.. But regardless, blacks do have to have some control over their lives. Right? more

Resolved Question: Where can I get the best deal on 80 lbs of skirt steak (fajita meat)?

Either online shipped to me or in a store is fine- the best deal I've found so far is $3.49 per pound, and I need to buy 80 pounds. Anyone know of some great place? I don't like Walmart because ALL the beef they sell now is packed in gas in those black containers, and that means it can be very old and still look red. That kind of creeps me out. Where can I find 80 pounds of skirt steak for less than 3.39/pound? more

Resolved Question: Heard the jokes about the 6 affairs?

The 1st Affair A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home. 'Where have you been?' his wife demanded. 'I can't lie to you,' he replied, 'I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon.' She looked down at his shoes and said: 'You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!' The 2nd Affair A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife: 'There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?' The wife smiled sweetly and replied: 'No, not this time!' The 3rd Affair A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen! 'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity.' So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home. 'I have something to show you won't believe,' he said to his wife, opening his briefcase. 'My God!' the wife exclaimed, 'Schwartz is dead!' The 4th Affair A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. 'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.' She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder. 'Don't move until I tell you,' she said. 'Pretend you're a statue.' 'What's this?' the husband inquired as he entered the room. 'Oh it's a statue,' she replied. 'The Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too.' No more was said, not even when they went to bed. Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer. 'Here,' he said to the statue, have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing.' The 5th Affair A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer. 'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.' 'One Cent?' the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked: 'How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?' 'A nickel,' the barman replied. 'A nickel?' exclaimed the man. 'Where's the guy who owns this place?' The bartender replied: 'Upstairs, with my wife.' The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs with your wife?' The bartender replied: 'The same thing I'm doing to his business down here.' The 6th Affair Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly: 'I have something I must confess.' 'There's no need to, 'his wife replied. 'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!' 'I know,' she replied. 'Now just rest and let the poison work.' more

Resolved Question: Why do our groceries cost so much?

Ok I am 16 and I am just speaking from what I know. My parents are always complaining about how we have a budget of $150 a week on groceries and how we usually go way over that budge (like $30+ over a week). We already shop at the dollar store, walmart, and this other cheap grocery place called save a lot. We also cut coupons, but stuff on sale, and buy generic if we can. We don't but expensive steak and such fo dinner, but we do buy meat. We don't even buy fruits and vegtable (I know we should...) which are expensive. My dad thinks it is because we buy "health and beauty products" like loation, body wash, shampoo.... but I mean we needs those things and we generally look for the cheapest ones of those too. We don't go out to eat a lot, we normally eat at home. I think it is because we buy a lot of processed crap (like my dad buys donunts, candybars... ) for breakfast which the cost of that adds up fast. Also we spend like $10 a week on pop. PS. I already said I am just telling you what I know and I can't control what my parents buy. Anyways what else are we doing wrong that our grocery bill is so high?? Thanks!! Oh yeah we have a family of 4 more

Resolved Question: how do i style my hair 2 make it look more scene?

i have 2 red steaks in the front and my bangs go passed my mouth i want to know i can style it more scene and is hot topic the best place to buy the bows??also what will i need to style it?? more

Resolved Question: USEFUL ONE LINERS.......?

Hilarious One Liners Phone answering message - "….. and if you want to buy marijuana press the hash key" A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film shorts. The Shrink says, "Well I can clearly see your nuts". I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any. I went into the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, " No, the steaks are too high". My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in. A man came round in the hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, " Doctor, Doctor, I cant feel my legs!" The Doctor replied, "I know I've cut off your arms". I went to a seafood disco last week………….. and pulled a muscle. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak and where chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say he topped himself. A man goes into the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. The Doc says, "I'll give you some cream to put on it." "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of home". "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common………?" "Its not unusual…" A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. " My dog is cross eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well, " said the vet "lets take a look at him". So he picks up the dog examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What, because he's cross eyed??" "No, because he's really heavy." Guy goes into the doctors, "Doc I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside." How's That! "Don't you start!" Two elephants walk off a cliff. Boom, Boom! What do you call a fish with no eyes? A FSH So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me, "Can you give me a lift?" I said, " Sure, you look great, the worlds your oyster Go For it!" Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or dad, or my older brother Colin, or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think its Colin! Two blokes walk in a pub, one says to the other, "Your round." The other bloke says, "So are you, you fat basr**d!" Police arrested two kids yesterday, ones was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other off. "You know somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a note on my windscreen, it said, ' parking fine' So that was nice!" A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places" The Doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore." more

Resolved Question: Where can I buy one Henckels Pro-S Steak knife?

I have a feeling that I may have lost one steak knife...might of accidentally thrown it in the trash! I had a total of Eight steak knives and really only want to buy one to replace. I can't find any place to sell me just one. Any websites or stores that you know of? Thank you in advance I am looking for ONE steak knife, not a set of 4 or 8. more

Resolved Question: Where do I buy "cube steak" and "lard" or replacements?

I decided to learn to cook (I can make spaghetti :P) by making "Country Fried Steak and Milk Gravy". Recipe says I need "4 cube steaks" and lard. However 1) The place where I shop (SaveOnFood) doesn't seem to have animal lard, only some vegetable stuff named differently they said is used for baking. Where do I get lard/what do I replace it with? 2) Then, they have all kinds of beef steaks, but no "cube" steak. What are synonyms/suitable replacements for cube steak or where should I go to buy it? more

Resolved Question: Where is a great place to buy meat (beef, Pork) in Orlando?

No supermarkets, i need to know where to buy steaks porkchops chicken breasts. I have been traveling to Orlando almost yearly for 10 years with my family, and cannot find a good place to buy meat. I am from the midwest and used to great meat, i know i probably won't get as good of quality, but i would like to get a little closer than i have previously. Thanks more

Resolved Question: the difference between giving medicine to a dog or a cat?

For you cat and dog lovers - this is a hoot! > > > > > How To Give A Cat A Pill > > > > > > 1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left > arm as if > holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on > either side of > cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while > > holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop > pill into > mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. > > > > 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. > Cradle cat in > left arm and repeat process. > > > > 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill > away. > > > > 4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left > arm, holding > rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push > pill to > back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a > > count of ten. > > > > 5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top > of wardrobe. > Call spouse from garden. > > > > 6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between > knees, hold front > and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse > > to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden > ruler into > mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat > vigorously. > > > > 7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill > from foil wrap. > Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully > sweep > shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one > > side for gluing later. > > > > 8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on > cat with head > just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking > straw, > force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw. > > > > 9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to > humans, drink 1 > beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's > forearm and > remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. > > > > 10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another > pill. Open > another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on > neck, leave > head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick > pill down > throat with elastic band. > > > > 11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard > door back on > hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, > drink. > > Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for > date of last > tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. > Toss back > another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from > bedroom. > > > > 12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from > across the > road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while > swerving to > avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap. > > > > 13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear > paws with garden > twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find > heavy-duty > pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by > large > piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head > vertically and > pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down. > > > > 14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive > you to the > emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers > and forearm > and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call > > furniture shop on way home to order new table. > > > > 15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell > and call local > pet shop to see if they have any hamsters. > > > >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > How To Give A Dog A Pill > > > > 1. Wrap it in bacon. > > > > 2. Toss it in the air. ok if you laughed please star..thanks!! more

Resolved Question: How many people understand this speech? Try to explain it!?

When walking ghost makes the rain seem dry when angles seek water they must peek up from the counter in order to see the frog jump from lake to tree and from planets to rocks that hurt and break glass houses that are made from plastic recycled metal newspaper books at the store that seem expensive compared to beached whales from Africa which is full of Beatles from MTV which doesn't even play music anymore just stupid shows about white Monkey chicks with no hair on their face arguing about who's car is more shiney and who's Dad has the biggest bank account that has been broken into by chefs with knives that cut steak at places that serve chicken and soda made from orange juice ice blocks melting into small ice apple coco banana hot cakes from Mexician runners who import sex candy canes from the North Pole with maple syrup covers sticky buns that explode from the tnt tht is produced under the 786 law of 1898 which declared all makeshift antilock cabinets must remain open until ever Jew and Puerto Rician is smiling at the ends of the earth where major record labels are stretched accross the seas to make a biggest bridge Canada besides the one on top the table at the local mini mart which is owned by black russian jews from Poland wear the buffalo roams free from the pop culture telegram sender of america which were sent here from Australia to sick dingos on our hungry children when we run out of resourses santa will come back and take all of our gifts until Jesus rises again and go after rap music for calling hoes bitches and or ruining rock and roll music by killing donkeys at the mall wearing small tshirts that say "my leg is on the wrong foot" but who dares move these signs when that is all our children have to grown up and look forward too besides asian white people who makes hotdogs with a piece carved out of a rubber tree that was on the set of a movie that someone crashed into when a car exploded from too much beer being poored into the glove compartment box which was locked and they key was eating by a fat guy wearing a moo moo that a fat girl bought from a skinny bears with huge boobs. Explain that one to your Mom It's def not from a rap song...Someone sent me this message the mail along with $200 cash. I have no idea who it is but they said they are sending more if I can figure this speech out. I guess there is a point to...it is just scrambled. If I can respond to it I get more moeny I think....this is fucked up huh! more

Resolved Question: where is a good place to buy crab cakes online? (obviously 10 points)?

i can't seem to find a place with affordable nice crab cakes online for a gift for my boyfriend. we do christmas "after christmas" its just easier, but i am trying to find a website with amazing crab cakes, i mean great one. i am tempted to go to like omaha steak, or qvc or something, but i would like to know if anyone has eaten, or tried a good site. please help me out. (oh, cost is an issue too. cheap is good, but not always tasty. so yeah, work that out for these ten points) well i have been trying to convince hom for the longest time to just drive to maryland and get them ourselves!!! we live 15 minutes from delaware.....AND i have made them at home, but he wants ones ordered in, he loves mine, but "wants to try something from out of the supermarket aisles" more

Resolved Question: where do you guys buy your meats? legs of lamb, beef steak etc,'?

We have been going to Coles and Woolies and buying fillet steak not the cheap rump or stuff, and legs of lamb for $20 and getting them home cooking them (searing not stewing steaks) (cooking roasts at 180 for at least 2 hours) and they are tough like rubber. We had a bbq with family and spent considerable money for a pre chrissy get together. Such a rip off and such bad quality. I know most of the stuff sold in supermarkets is mutton not actual lamb. I have heard about market farmers where you can order farm fresh produce online. Has anyone done this if so what are the good places/companies and how much does it cost? I am assuming its more. Thanks merry Christmas everyone! Wow one person actually gave me some half decent info. Nobody gave me a website except her and even if i wanted to buy from there I am not in that area. BTW First guy its not a forum for you to be telling me I overcook food. Its the butchers fault for selling shite food. At astronomical prices. more

Resolved Question: Could it be that im not welcomed? Or could it be something else?

well this is my first time here, like most of the people who come to ask questions. Lately I've noticed a lot of glares as in stereotypical or hatred. I really don't know if its one of them or both, my girlfriend is Chinese American and I'm Mexican American We live in good area, i don't mean to be rude or seem racist. Its Mostly a White and Asian community i have no problems with neither, Racism is not a part of my life style. I'm going to use yesterdays episode as an "example" to shorten my rant and so you can see my point of view to get a better answer. We went out to for the day which began, Shopping for some gifts for her little sisters, Everything was okay when i kinda notice some not all people looking at us or me? while i was hugging her. some where awkward looks some where wow? kinda rude look. (mostly White and Asian males) i did mention it to her and she said it was fine her answer was "there just confused okay" so i phased it off So i decided we should go eat after we bought the gifts and some other stuff. Claim Jumper is a good place to eat I've never had a problem eating there Amongst all races where i lived, Everyone is usually friendly and eating a big juicy steak. This place was different our waiter was rude(no tip left) and our orders where beyond late everyone else who ordered after us got there's first. around 45 minutes of waiting for our order to arrive i notice it again some people where just looking a bit to much at us or me? My question, Why are we OR me? getting so many rude stares? could it be that im hispanic? or that my girlfriend is asian? or that we are a couple ? or just racism? the list goes on... could anyone suggest ? what or a solution? to this problem? btw we just moved to this area, 2weeks so far. more

Resolved Question: beef teriyaki on a stick?

ok..so I'm looking to make beef teriyaki on a stick, like you would get at a chinese take-out place. I want it thin, tender, and very tasty, Any ideas? I bought steak tips (in strip form) and I plan on cutting them thin and marinating them in something..then threading the strips onto skewers and broiling them..sound about right? What would you use for a marinade? I'm using a deep fryer to make egg rolls..I've heard those stick things are deep fried in restaurants..is that true? Thanks! actually...I have some Yoshida's in the fridge :) more

Voting Question: How should I cook the filet mignon for a crowd?

I am buying a whole filet mignon for 10 people for Christmas. I found a great recipe on the internet which involved pan searing the steaks which gets placed on top of mashed potatoes and topped with a mushroom wine sauce. Do you have any good recipes to share for something similar? I do not want to have some steaks done and getting cold while I pan sear the remainder and am also concerned that to put the already done pan seared steaks in the oven to cook to keep them warm while I do the rest might make them overly done and lose their pinkness. Can I just cook the filet mignon in the oven like a beef wellington and if so, to what temperature for medium rare? more

Resolved Question: Good stories/jokes...????!!!!?

There’s a lot. If you read any, star if you laughed****** > Nine year old Junior comes home from school one day and his mother asks what he learned. "Oh, mom," said Junior, "I learned how to fuck today!" Mom is furious and sends him to his room explaining that he has to wait till his father gets home. Well, dad gets home about an hour later and is met by his irate wife. "Go talk to YOUR son!" she demands. Dad goes up and finds his son sitting on the bed and asks what had happened. "Dad, all I told her is that I learned to fuck today," says Junior. "That's my boy!!!!!" dad blurts out, but after thinking a moment he says, "Well, your mom is really upset about this, so I'm gonna have to ground you for a week. But, I see you're following in your father's footsteps. I'm quite proud of you." The next day at the construction site, dad is bragging to all his co-workers about his nine year old son getting laid. "A chip off the old block!" he beams . "Of course, I didn't start till I was ten, but he's already becoming a man!!" Dad comes home from work that night, proud as can be, barely kisses the wife's cheek as he rushes up to his son's room. "Well, son," he asks, "did you do it again today???" "Oh, no!" exclaims Junior, "my butt still hurts from yesterday!" ØIt was the nursery teachers birthday and the students decided that they would each buy their teacher a gift. The first student, whose parents own a florist shop, gave her a present. She held it and said "I guess that it is flowers". "How did you guess?" asked the little boy. She laughed and thanked him. The second student, whose parents own a sweet shop, gave her a present. She held it and said, "I guess that is some sweets." "How did you guess?" asked the little boy. She again laughed and thanked him also. The third student, whose parents own a wine outlet, gave her a box which was leaking. The teacher touched the liquid with her finger and tasted it. "Mmmmm is it wine?" she asked. "No," said the little girl. So she tasted it again. "Is it Champagne?" she asked. "No," replied the little girl, "It is a puppy." ØAn old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. "I want to become a lawyer. How much is it or the express degree you told me about?" "It's $50,000," the lawyer said. "But why? You'll be dead soon, why do you want to become a lawyer?" "That's my business! Get me the course!" Four days later, the old man got his law degree. His lawyer was at his bedside, making sure his bill would be paid. Suddenly the old man was racked with fits of coughing and it was clear that this would be the end. Still curious, the lawyer leaned over and said, "please, before it's too late, tell me why you wanted to to get a law degree so badly before you died?" In a faint whisper, as he breathed his last, the old man said, "One less lawyer . . ." ØAn off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate. The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again; even more slowly. Another flash. He did it again for a third time, at an even slower speed. Same result. "This guy must have screwed up the settings," the off-duty officer thought. A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the mail, he discovered three traffic tickets: Each for not wearing a seat belt! These are actual stories written in essays by kids in their history classes: Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn’t have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java. Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: “Tee hee, Brutus.” Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing the fiddle to them. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offense. In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer more

Resolved Question: How to give your cat a pill .... hope you don't know it?

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. 4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. 5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. 6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously. 7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. 8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw. 9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. 10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. 11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. 12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap. 13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down. 14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table. 15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters. How To Give A Dog A Pill 1. Wrap it in Bacon. 2. Toss it in the air. more

Resolved Question: Extra Marital affairs, I bet u'll laugh till u drop?

The 1st Affair: A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?" his wife demanded. "I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon." "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!" The 2nd Affair: A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?" The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!" The 3th Affair: A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue." "What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. "Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too." No more was said, not even when they went to bed. Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer. "Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing." The 4th Affair: A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer. "Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent." "One Cent?" the man thought. He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?" "A nickel," the barman replied. "A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?" The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife." The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" The bartender replied, "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here." The 5th Affair: Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess." "There's no need to," his wife replied. "No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!" "I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work." more

Resolved Question: HOW ARE THESE JOKES I KNOW I AM NOT ON FORM I AM TIRED WILL TRY TO DO BETTER LATER ?

A man goes into a bar on the Shankill road with his pet crocodile. He asks "do you serve catholics?" The bartender replies "Yes, we're very open-minded here. what can I get you?" The man replies "A pint of Guinness and 2 catholics for the crocodile." A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. "Certainly, sir, that'll be £1 "ONE POUND!" exclaimed the guy, the barman replied "Yes." So the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks "Could I have a nice juicy T-Bone steak, with chips, peas, and a fried egg?" "Certainly sir,"replies the bartender, but all that comes to real money." "How much money?" inquires the guy. "£4 , he replies. "FOUR POUNDs!" exclaims the guy. "Where's the Guy who owns this place?" The barman replies, "Upstairs with my wife." The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?" The bartender replies, "Same as what I'm doing to his business." A wino walked into a bar one day, and started begging for drinks. One of the patrons tells him he'll buy the old sot a drink, but first he has to take a drink from the spittoon over in the corner. The wino is in a bad way, so he takes the guy up on his offer, goes over and picks up the spittoon, raises it to his lips, and starts chugging away. The guy at the bar, who didn't really believe the wino would take him up on his offer, is horrified. "Stop! Stop!" he yells, "I'll buy you a drink now!" But the wino keeps on drinking from the spittoon. Again the guy at the bar calls out, "Stop! Put the spittoon down! I'll buy you a drink!" But the wino keeps on drinking. Finally, after about five minutes he stops, and puts the spittoon down. So the guy at the bar says, "Hey, didn't you hear me telling you to stop? Why didn't you stop?" "I couldn't," the wino replies, "it was all one string." i apologise for the gross joke but i was tired at the time more

Resolved Question: how are these from my archives still funny or not ?

A guy walks into a quiet bar. He is carrying three ducks. One in each hand and one under his left arm. He places them on the bar. He has a few drinks and chats with the Bartender. The Bartender is experienced and has learned not to ask people about the animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention the ducks. They chat for about 30 minutes before the guy with the ducks has to go to the restroom. The ducks are left on the bar. The bartender is alone with the ducks. There is an awkward silence. The bartender decides to try to make some conversation. "What's your name?" he asks the first duck. "Huey," said the first duck. "How's your day been, Huey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day." "Oh. That's nice," says the bartender. Then he says to the second duck, "Hi. And what's your name?" "Dewey" came the answer. "So how's your day been, Dewey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. Then the barman turns to the third duck and says " So, you must be Louie." "No," growls the third duck, "my name is Puddles. And don't ask about my f**king day!" Q: What's the definition of virginity? A: A big issue over a little tissue. The Big Meal A woman asks her husband if he'd like some breakfast. "Would you like bacon and eggs, perhaps? A slice of toast? Grapefruit and coffee to follow?" she asks. He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, It's really taken the edge off my appetite." At lunchtime, she asks if he would like something. "A bowl of homemade soup, homemade muffins or a cheese sandwich?" she inquires. He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite." Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. She'll go to the store and buy him some food. Would he like maybe a steak and apple pie? Maybe he'd like a pizza microwaved or a tasty stir-fry that would only take a couple of minutes? He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite." "Well," she says, "Would you mind getting off me? I'm starving." more

Resolved Question: Child visitation in spite of life threats against entire family and protective order?

I apologize that this is so long, but I really hope someone can help in some way. I made some serious misjudgments and have been suffering the consequences for a long time now. I really need help. I was introduced to a man a few years ago and I could tell right away that there was no way in the world I wanted to be dating him. But he seemed so bewildered and lonly that I decided to try to be a friend to him and help him. He had very poor grammer and very little common sense (he told me he dropped out of the 8th grade), had greasy hair, wore dirty, stained, ripped clothes and stunk. (I am not picking on him, please do not think that). He lived in filthy conditions. His house was filthy and unsanitary. As example: clothes laying around, dishes, silverware and steak knives all over the house with mold growing on them, used q-tips on the counters in the kitchen and all over the bathroom floor, tub and sink, tons of dirt and muck on the wood floors, tools laying around...the list goes on. Well I felt sorry for him and thought he just needed a friend to help him get his life in order. So I simply told him that I was not interested in dating but that I would be happy to be his friend. The very next day, I recieved several phone calls from him accusing me of cheating on him! You see, I had a male friend who I spent time with the day before, but that should not matter since I plainly told him that I was not interested in dating him and would only be friends with him. So I told him that and I stopped talking to him. Two weeks later he called and was sorry and wanted to be friends again. I reminded him that we would ONLY be friends, nothing more. He agreed to that. Then, the very next day, he did it again! So again, I stopped talking to him and decided that was just a little too freaky for me. Three months later, I see him in the store parking lot. He sincerely apologises for his previous behaviour, makes small talk with me and finds out that I am working on my car. He offerd to help, and I really needed help so I stupidly accepted. For a while it seemed that things were going fine. He was being nice. We ended up being friends. But as the months went by, I noticed weird things. He would drive by the back of our apartment daily several times a day. I am niave so I thought that he always took that way to work and to friends houses or something. He was actually stalking us. He would want to be with us all the time, so I took that as being insecure and needing a good friend. So I helped him with various things. I bought him new clothes and shoes. I cleaned up his house. I cut his hair. We would rent a movie and get pizza and hang out. He showed me all of his various guns and arrowhead collection, baseball cards and such. I did some remodeling and painting in his house. We would take him shopping for food for his house at least once a week and spend time with him to be his friend and provide him with some conpanionship. I taught him how to do laundry and how to keep the house clean. I tried to teach him some grammer but it was hard for him to grasp easily. (Agian, I am not picking on him, I just need to make clear how he is both mentally and emotionally) He professed his love for me on several occaisions and I had to daily remind him that we were not dating and that we were only friends. He stated several times that he wanted to have a baby with me. I reminded him again and again that we were only friends. I started noticing that we would run into him at different places we went, stores, parks, gas stations... I thought it was coincidental, but he was again stalking us. (Clarifying, when I say "US" I mean me and my three little girls. I was freshly divorced and lived alone with my three girls.) He started dropping in on us un announced all the time. Banging on the doors an d windows. He barged into our home once without knocking and started yelling at me saying I was hiding a man in my home and cheating on him and demanded to search the house. I told him that first of all, we were not dating and that second of all, I would not cheat on anyone I WAS with, so he had no right either way to barge into our home and scare my children and accuse me of anything. Understand, this was ongoing, but it was not constant. He would have his moments and then he would apologize severly with tears and I would stupidly accept. I am a sap. Ok, I am going to try to shorten this. As time went on, things grew worse. He had me over to his house and started talking about his guns and forced me into sex. I of course ended up pregnant. (I was dating someone at this time and was having a sexual relationship so I was hoping the baby was not my stalkers but the guys I was dating instead. We knew we would find out soon enough when the baby was born) He started threatening me because I would not date him. Saying things like "I am going to shoot your he He started threatening me because I would not date him. Saying things like "I am going to shoot your head off!" He even told this to a friend of mine, and several other people in town. He wrote threatening letters to me. One of them said how he was going to read about me in the papers. Obituaries i guess? I gave them to the police. Months went by and I had the baby. She was nothing like him! She was amost a replica of the man I had been dating so we were happy and he put his name on the birth certificate and signed the afidavit accepting her as his. But the man stalking me knew I had gotten pregnant and had the baby, and was obsessed with it being his, and he would chase us in his car down busy highwayswith all the kids and the baby in the van with us, scaring us. Stalking us even more and Looking into our house windows spying on us. We were afraid for our lives and afraid to even go outside to enjoy the day. We had to close ourselves in and became prisoners in our home. Life was a liv Life was a living nightmare. I found out that he had gone around to friends and family of his and told everyone that we were dating and going to get married and move away together. And I found out that he told several people that he was going to shoot my head off. He also said that one of my daughters was the cause of us not being together, so that put her life in immediate danger. In the meantime, I was trying to get a protective order. The system stinks, they said they needed his address, then they needed his social security number and birth date, then they needed his work address... so this went on forever before they gave me the protective order. The judge put all of us, including the baby, on the protective order. Almost two years later, he went to court and demanded paternity. I got a lawyer through legal aid, but he was of no help at all. I ended up having to let him go. The judge knew that I had a signed afidavit showing a father. I guess he forgot about it though I guess he forgot about it though because they went ahead and had the paternity test done anyway. It proved to be his (the stalkers). So the court decided to let him have visitation, and they were going to give him the right to take her and have her all alone!! So I ended up dropping the protective order so that I could be the supervisor for the visitation and that puts the rest of us in danger again now as well. But it was better to be the supervisor myself than to have his family or friends supervise. They are mostly like he is. His mother is ok but the rest of the family is really messed up. All his siblings seem to be handicapped mentally and really wierd and most of them still live at home even though they are in their thirties and forties. His friends are all like he is. I believe a child should have their father in their lives. I was without mine and really wanted him there. My other three kids see their daddy. That is good for them. But this man is the acception. He is so mad He is so mad at me for not being his that I am actually afraid that he will kill her to spite me, or kidnap her! And honestly even if he was not a threat to us, he is not a bright guy and makes a lot of mistakes and has so little common sense and all the filth and unsanitary conditions he lives in, she is in danger from that too! On top of all this, the place he lives in now is worse than how he lived before, and he is back to being dirty all the time and wearing filthy clothes and stinking all the time. I have tried to talk to him about it, but he says he looks fine and is comfortable this way and does not care what people think. I do not know what to do and it is not fair that I cannot protect my little girl from this man. I am really scared. I have no money for a lawyer. What do I do? That is my question. Understand please that all of this is documented and the police are aware. The judge is aware as well. The judge gave me the protective order. The only reason I had to drop it was so that I could be the supervisor for visitation. All of which the judge approved. But the judge, even with the protective order in place, offers us no protection. He is the one who approved the visitation even though the baby was on the protective order too. I am at a loss. In answer to the question about why I didnt press rape charges... Rape is a hard thing to prove in the first place from what I hear and they seem to place the blame on the woman. He did not leave any physical evidence of force like hurting me in any way. He had his guns and scared me into it. It was not by choice, but since I gave in I would imagine that it would not hold up in court as rape even if he did have his guns because I cant prove any of it. Does that make sense? I felt helpless and felt noone would believe me. I feel helpless with all of this. I really tried to get out of the situation. I really wish I could run away and change my name, but it is all in the court system. They approve of him getting visitation and I cant even send a letter to the judge without making a copy and sending it to the stalker as well according to the courthouse rules. I cant let the judge know how I am feeling without being afraid that the stalker will come take our lives if I speak up. more

Resolved Question: A good but easy way to cook duck?

My husband bought duck legs and I don't know how to cook them..what does one do..sear it first (like steak/lamb, etc)?..how's it meant to taste? (Isn't it a bit rubbery in texture?) What do you serve it with? An easy receipe would be appreciated. I fancy that it should be crispy on the outside maybe but that's a Chinese food recipe I suppose... what gives it the edge when cooking for flavour/texture? Could I slowly cook it in the fan oven once I've seared it maybe in the frying pan then do a plumb or orange sauce. Could I marinate them in something? Also what'll I serve it with saute potatoes, veg?..or salad? (Where's that place John Cleese went to? lol!) more

Resolved Question: for those with cats - is this true?

How to Give a Cat a Pill 1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. 4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. 5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. 6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously. 7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. 8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw. 9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. 10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. 11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. 12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap. 13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down. 14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table. 15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters. How To Give A Dog A Pill 1. Wrap it in bacon. 2. Toss it in the air. Jacobsdad - I posted it already - its what reminded me of it, just waiting for all of the thumbs down! more

Resolved Question: how about this one for the women on here hope you have a good laugh ?

What's the difference between a man and Bigfoot? One is covered with matted hair and smells awful. The other has big feet. What does a man call true love? An erection. Why is a man like a moped? They're both fun to ride until your friends see you with one. What's the difference between a man and a parrot? You can teach a parrot to talk nicely. What's the difference between a marriage and a mental hospital? At a mental hospital you have to show improvement to get out. What is six inches long, two inches wide and make men act like fools? Money. What's the most effective birth control device for men. Their manners. What's a dumb man's martini? An olive in a glass of beer. How do men define insomnia? Waking up every few days. Why are marriend women heavier than single women? Single women come home, see what's in the refrigerator and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the refrigerator. Why don't men believe in paternity tests? Because the sample is taken from their finger. Men are proof of reincarnation. You can't get that dumb in just one lifetime. Nobody can call him a quitter. He always gets fired. Wife: Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune? Husband: Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money. Why does the man bother? He's hoping for a lucky stroke. Mine. Why do male bosses have such poor grammar? Because they end every sentence with a proposition. Why don't men cook at home? No one's invented a steak that will fit in the toaster. Wife: "I won the lottery! Five million dollars. Whoo-ee--start packing!" Husband "That's great!!! What should I pack?" Wife: "Whatever you want, just be out of the house by the time I get there" Behind every great woman is a man telling her she's ignoring him. Behind every great man is a puzzled woman. What did God say after she made Eve? "Practice makes perfect." How does a woman know the man is cheating on her? He starts bathing twice a week. He keeps a record of everything he eats. It's called a tie. What's the one thing that keeps most men out of college? High School. Husband: "This coffee isn't fit for a pig!" Wife: "No problem, I'll get you some that is." We try to keep him out of the kitchen. Last time he cooked he burned the salad. Why don't men eat between meals. There *IS* no "between" meals. What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat? Divorce him. What is the definition of an inconsiderate husband? One who wins a trip to Paris and goes by himself, twice. How do women define a 50/50 relationship? We cook/they eat; We clean/they dirt; We iron/ they wrinkle. How are men like noodles? They are always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough. Why don't men do laundry? Cause the washer and dryer don't run on remote control! What do you call a woman that works like a man?? A Lazy bitch. Why is urine yellow and sperm white? So men can tell if they are coming or going. What's the difference between a man and a cow? One brain cell that prevents them from shitting all over the place! Did you hear about the baby born with both sexes? It had a penis AND a brain! Why are men with pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free. Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up? Because they don't have balls to scratch. Why are men like popcorn? They satisfy you, but only for a little while. What's the difference between an intelligent man and a UFO? I don't know, I've never seen either one. by the way girls i am a male so watch out your turn soon more

Resolved Question: Is this a good short story?

I have a paper in english1 and english support im a FRESHMAN tell me what you think about it “Hey Stephanie I want you to meet someone” said Abigail excitingly, as they entered James Lick High School in New York City, which was one of the top schools in New York. Abigail took her to a very quiet place that was blocked out from the whole school. There stood a group of people, but one guy stood out in the crowd. His name was Julio. “Julio” screamed Abigail “I want you to meet my friend Stephanie” .Once Stephanie saw his eyes for the first time she noticed he had really light brown eyes, the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen. He had dark brown hair, and was around 5’6 5’7 average height for his age.”Hi my name is Julio” said Julio with excitement in his voice. Once he spoke his first word she saw that his voice had a special tone like a special thing in his voice kind of flirty but giggly. They started talking and surprisingly they had a lot in common. One thing was that they were bought freshman. Another thing was that they bought had the same classes, they bought loved art, and loved creating new things. As time passed by they seamed to get closer and closer together. They enjoyed the same things, they hated the same things. She even made always made him her famous chocolaty cake once in a while; which he loved and was his favorite dessert because it had a special aroma and it looked yummy it had 2 layers of cake and smothered in chocolate. One time they wanted to try something new and they bought went to go dye their hair blonde! Spray Paint but they made every one think that they dyed it .That her long dark brown hair was gone .But it was all a joke and Julio and Stephanie laughed about it for weeks. One summer her sophomore summer she realized that she felt something for Julio something more than just a friendship. She thought about it a lot till the end of summer when she decided to tell him how she felt about him. First day junior year she was going to tell him .No matter if their friendship ended for her telling him how she felt she was going to tell him. “So are you going to tell him are you are you?” screamed Abigail “Yeah” said Stephanie. Once she saw him coming towards her she got really nervous, her hands got all sweaty, she felt like her ring was going to fall or her finger, her heart was beating faster and faster. Once he got there she told him “Julio, I know we have been friends for a while but for some reason I realized that I realized I feel something for you. Every time I think of you I start to smile, every time I see a picture of you I fell that you are right next to me protecting me from all bad that might come, I don’t know how this happened but I think I’m falling for you.” .She paused and as soon as he started talking a smile came to her face he said “I feel the same way” Stephanie felt really happy for the out come of the situation .Instantly her best guy friend became her boyfriend in just 5 minutes. They walked home that day together alone and like it should be she went to go and tell her dad that she was now dating Julio. Her dad didn’t really sound all that happy but he just let it go. The next day at school Stephanie felt really happy like everything was alright now. She felt protected every time she was with him, she felt safe like if nothing would happen to her because he was there beside her. Over the months they became inseparable, they would go to dinner together to the same restaurant all of the time and go eat the same food every time they would go they would always order the special; steak smothered in A.I steak sauce, with mash potatoes with some special spices the restaurant had and pasta. He would always leave her in her class room to make sure she safely go there, they seamed like the perfect couple like nothing could ever come between them. It was senior year Stephanie and Julio were still together it was their one year anniversary so he took her to the place they met the place that was away from the school .Once they got there Julio took out a knife and he started carving on the tree and wrote “Stephanie + Julio forever” .She felt more attached to him after that like they were more close to each other. It was time in the year that all of the seniors in high school had to see the things about college .Stephanie was a very smart student so she wanted to go to college, and so did Julio. When Stephanie got home she started to talk to her dad about going to college .She wanted to go really bad .She had a list of colleges she wanted to go to that were near New York. But something that she thought would never happened , happened .Her dad said he wasn’t going to let her go to college unless she broke up with Julio for good. Stephanie was furious after her dad told her that she wanted them to break up or no college .She loved Julio but she wanted to get an education for her future. Stephanie got so mad more

Best Place To Buy Steaks In News

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WASHINGTON - The Fourth of July means fireworks, family and firing up the grill. "Burnt hot dogs are the most popular thing out there. People love burnt hot dogs," says Joe Capone, general manager for Continental Caterers. For this holiday, WTOP ...

Secrets to successful grilling - WTOP Radio

Grilling is a great all-American tradition. For generations, family and friends have gathered around the grill to celebrate summer in the good ol’ US of A — especially on the Fourth of July. Howard White, owner of White’s Meat Market, shares ...

On July 4th, celebrate the ... - Kokomo Perspective

Passersby stand and stare at the spectacle inside the palatial Brockman Building at the corner of 7th and Grand. Floor-to-ceiling windows put the whole shebang that is Bottega Louie on full display: gray-veined marble floors, imposing pillars and a ...

The review: Bottega Louie in downtown L.A. - Los Angeles Times

Elizabeth Latham gives thanks for the day she discovered turbot. For years, I would walk past turbot in the fish shop, giving it a sideways look, not convinced about it. Its soft apricot colour with clinging roe and frilled edges confused me, and I ...

Flat and fab - Stuff

Like Crisco or Regis Philbin, Palm is one of those great American institutions to which the rest of the world is oblivious. The granddaddy of New York steakhouses, it has grown from a family-run restaurant, founded in Manhattan in 1926, into a 27 ...

Palm, 1 Pont Street, London SW1 - The Independent

My mother's favorite dinner is grilled salmon. Or so she says. When I recently went home to Connecticut for a visit, she decided to make it for me "her way," taking care to procure the freshest fish she could find. I walked into the kitchen as she ...

Chill and grill fish for a fab Fourth of July - San Francisco Gate

Lake Tahoe, Calif. » I had seen Lake Tahoe only in winter, its shores under deep snow. So, on Day 1 of my first warm-weather trip in May, I couldn't stop prowling the water's edge, scanning for new hues of blue. On Day 2, I rented a bike. On Day 3 ...

Learning who lived the high life at Lake Tahoe - Salt Lake Tribune

California’s paying its employees with Mickey Mouse money. That’s America. Minnesota has a new senator, just in time for his re-election campaign. That’s America. Mississippi is still the fattest, but Alabama’s closing the flab gap fast. That ...

July 2009 Archives - am New York

This is not about a billy goat, a Bartman, or some new Century Club Curse hanging over the Chicago Cubs. Yes, the Cubs haven't won a World Series in over 100 years now, but it's no longer about a lack of talent or a propensity to choke. Everybody ...

Teddy Mitrosilis - Baseball

"His (Mark Carney's) prediction seems extremely optimistic and is out of line with other predictions that are being made. If he's got some information that nobody else has, maybe he's going to have to share his recipe with us." — Thomas Muclair ...

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Best Place To Buy Steaks In News

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Secrets to successful grilling - WTOP Radio

On July 4th, celebrate the ... - Kokomo Perspective

The review: Bottega Louie in downtown L.A. - Los Angeles Times

Flat and fab - Stuff

Palm, 1 Pont Street, London SW1 - The Independent

Chill and grill fish for a fab Fourth of July - San Francisco Gate

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